Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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