Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
