Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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