if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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