I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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