nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
