quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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