Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
