Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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