at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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