I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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