now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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