So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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