It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
