Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
