My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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