all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
