my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
