Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
