just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Is Oprah even human
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
