she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
