LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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