No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
