And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize