Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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