Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize