You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
