This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
