She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
