I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
