I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
