Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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