either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize