Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
