I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
