he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
