saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
