I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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