I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
