I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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