9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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