so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
