and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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