I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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