i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
