Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
