I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
