New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
