I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
