I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
