the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm passing your future prison.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
