i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
