im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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