I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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