You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize