Im at strip club and am horny
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize