When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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