I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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