I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
