im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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