Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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