so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I got inside last night via doggy door
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
