don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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