Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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