Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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