In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I look better un-naked...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
