they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
