Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
