a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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