is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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