I want to stick my p in your. b.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize