I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
