I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
