Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
